Frank the First Round Draft Pick
I have to start by saying his real name wasn’t Frank. To me Frank sounds like a 60 year old stock broker who could help me balance my retirement portfolio. This guy was not 60 (although that would’ve made a good story too), he was 30.
If you’ve read this blog post, you all know I don’t’ know much about sports, so I have to confess that my friends husband totally came up with the first round draft pick nickname for Frank. As he explained it the guys picked in the first round always look great. They have impressive stats and are expected to perform well. Sometimes these players work out exactly as planned, but sometimes they crash and burn. They demand more money than the teams want to pay, they get hurt, or their skills just don’t translate to the pros as expected. Frank was definitely the crash and burn type of first round draft pick.
Frank was literally everything I wanted. You know that checklist that all of you gals have? The one with all the things you want in guy. I’m not talking about your short, non-negotiable checklist, I’m talking about your slightly more in depth checklist. The one that has exact heights, eye color and earning potential listed on it. The one that you really shouldn’t be referring to, but it’s a hard habit to break.
Frank fit my long list. He was the right height, had the right degrees from the right school, had a grown up job, had the right look. You name it he checked it off. Good sense of humor, went to church and was fun to be around too.
So of course I was thrilled. After just a couple dates I was thinking, “Wow! This guy is literally everything I want.” I remember thinking very early on that if he wasn’t “The One” I wasn’t sure how I’d ever get over it.
That should’ve set off alarm bells right there.
Ladies, if you ever feel like you wouldn’t be able to get over a guy you barely know, you are holding on too tight. You are not trusting God, and you have elevated your desire to be in a relationship to an unhealthy level. If you find yourself in this pattern of thinking proceed with extreme caution. Spend time in God’s word and in prayer, make a huge effort to get your priorities straight before moving the relationship forward.
After about a month it became clear that things weren’t going great. Because of his amazing resume that was everything I wanted, I overlooked basic problems.
Like the fact that he didn’t really want to see me with any kind of regularity. Hanging out once every other week or so was enough for him. I made all kinds of excuses for him. “Oh, he’s just shy, he doesn’t want to come on too strong, he just needs more time.”
After we’d been talking for about two months, things started to look like they were moving forward. He opened up and started telling me more personal things. However, we never had these conversations in person. We communicated almost exclusively via text. He still didn’t seem to want to see me more than a couple times a month, but he was constantly asking for emotional support and input over text.
This whole scenario went on for 4 months in total. I was constantly an emotional wreck. I felt insecure and unsure of myself. I was always wondering if I’d done something wrong that was making him not want to hang out with me.
Friends looking in on the situation could tell that my “relationship” with Frank was making me absolutely crazy. However, I couldn’t see it myself.
I was too hung up on the fact that he hit all the points on my checklist. Never mind that facts that he was driving me insane and that he didn’t seem to like me that much, all I could see was that he met my requirements and I didn’t want to let him go.
The worse things got, the tighter I wanted to hang on.
Things finally came to a head one day when I invited him out to dinner. As soon as I walked in he greeted me by saying, “You know I really didn’t want to hang out when you texted me.” Well hello to you to!
There was no dramatic ending, we just ate and after I left he quit responding to my text messages and I never saw him again. No explanation, no closure, Frank the First Round Draft Pick just walked out of my life.
I’m not going to lie, it stung quite a bit that he didn’t want to talk anymore, but it taught me something so important. I learned that the checklist is not the most important thing. After all, Frank met every point, but we weren’t compatible. We weren’t having fun, and the relationship sent me on an unhealthy emotional roller coaster.
I was so hung up on the fact that he met all of my requirements, that I completely overlooked the fact that we weren’t having fun, and that our relationship was doing more damage than good!
I’m not going to tell you to chuck your checklist out the window and just look for a guy who you have fun with, but there has to be a balance. Hold your checklists loosely.
It can be healthy to check in and make sure that the guy you’re seeing isn’t too far off base from the type of guy you’ve always said you wanted, but keep an open mind.
Obviously, make sure any guy is meeting your non-negotiables, but be open to the idea that a man who seems to be everything you’ve been looking for may not be your best match. Try and focus on the most important things. Of course you want to date someone who enjoys some of the same activities as you and who makes you laugh, but make sure he loves Jesus, that he has good character and strong work ethic, that he’s respectful. These traits will last far longer, and be far more important in the long term than height, careers and hair color.