My Latest Online Dating Fail: Patrick the Project Planner
And now, another installment of my dating fails…
I’ve changed the names to protect the innocent, or not so innocent! I have a habit of saving guys names in my phone with their first name (since I sometimes don’t know their last name) and some fact about them. This helps me keep them straight if I’m talking to more than one person, which let’s be honest, isn’t usually a problem. When I first started doing this I met several guys whose name and job started with the same letter (Carl the Coach, Adam the Audiologist) so I’ve just kept the alliteration trend going!
So a while back I started talking to a guy on Match. He was a Christian, never married, no kids with and adult job, so basically a unicorn.
The conversation got off to a good start and we decided to meet up a week later. I found out in the course of us talking that he was project planner at a large organization so when he offered to plan the date I figured he had it under control. I was wrong.
First, he lived an hour away from me and apparently struggled with maps as he kept suggesting we meet places that were well over an hour away from my house. Just a side note, I was not living in a one stoplight type of town at the time. I was living in a major city less than 60 miles from where he lived, so I was surprised he was having so much trouble.
I didn’t want to be that know it all nagging girl who told him everything he was doing was wrong, but he was suggesting meeting places that would literally require me to drive past his town and then 10-20 minutes further out of my way. I finally had to just tell him that he really no clue what direction my town was in and suggest a halfway meeting point.
He felt bad that he’d been so far off about where I lived, so he insisted he’d research the town we were meeting in and find something to do. He suggested we meet at a locally owned coffee shop on Sunday afternoon.
I looked up the coffee shop online and immediately realized that it closed early and would not be open at 1pm when we met. I contemplated telling him, but decided I really didn’t want to be that bossy, know-it-all girl. I mean the guy’s job was to plan things, so I expected him to be more on the ball than that.
The day of the date, I set off toward a coffee shop that wasn’t even open and wondered when he would realize the shop was closed. He texted me when I was about half way there and told me we might have to change plans because it looked like the shop closed early.
I shouldn’t be too hard on him because when we met he was apologetic and felt terrible that he hadn’t realized the shop would be closing so early. Since the coffee shop he planned to go to was closed, he decided to walk to the next nearest place to get coffee.
It was a beautiful day so it was nice to just walk and enjoy the weather, and then I saw it in the distance, golden arches. Since his original plan had fallen through, we were going to McDonalds.
Now, I’ll admit, this was the first time a man had ever taken me to McDonalds on a first date so it was at least an original idea I guess.
For any guys I go out with the bar has been set shockingly low. I mean as long as we don’t end up eating off the dollar menu at McDonalds, it won’t be the cheapest date anyone has ever taken me on. I’ve also been out with a couple guys who took me somewhere nice and then refused to pay the bill, but that’s another story for another time!
It brought back memories of 12 year old junior high students who insisted they were dating, but without cars had limited options of date destinations and ended up at McDonalds. He got a black coffee and splurged by getting me a frappe from the value menu.
For as dismal as the date destination was, the conversation wasn’t too bad. We had similar jobs so we had quite a bit to talk about. After about 30 minutes of work conversation, we moved along to talking about where we grew up. When I mentioned my hometown he immediately said he been there quite a few times. I asked him why he used to go there, and that’s when the whole date started spiraling.
He told me that he went to college not far from my hometown, and that he used to travel to my hometown because the strip clubs were better there.
I was unsure how to even respond. What does one say? “Why yes, that’s why my parents chose to raise a family there, safe neighborhoods, good schools and great strip clubs.” My silence must’ve been noticeable because he just kept talking. Telling me all about the fun he and his buddies used to have at the strip club.
I think the man missed his calling as a descriptive writer or something. He told me his stories about the strip clubs in such detail that I felt like I was there. Literally.
I have no need to ever go to as strip club as I really feel like I got the full experience that day. This man really should use his descriptive talents describing sunsets to the blind or something. I mean the unique talent he has for describing a scene, really makes you feel like you were there. The details he includes in his storytelling, are details most human beings wouldn’t share with anyone else, ever. However, I must admit, for better or worse, the excessive and gratuitous sharing really gives you a vivid picture of what he’s talking about (whether you want that picture or not).
Now, in case you’ve never been in this situation, let me tell you, it’s tough to transition from talking about strippers to talking about, well, really anything else.
I awkwardly tried to change the conversation so something else, anything else, but it was tough to get a good conversation going after that.
So, here’s a bit of free dating advice for anyone reading, save the strip club talk for some other date. It’s really not a great conversation starter if you’ve just met someone. Stick to more traditional topics, like family, work, hobbies, get to know you types of things. Seriously, there’s no need to reinvent the wheel on first date conversation topics. I mean, in time you should talk about all these things, but on first dates I’d avoid deep conversations about religion, politics and strippers.