Russ the Realtor
And now, another installment of my dating fails…
I’ve changed the names to protect the innocent, or not so innocent! I have a habit of saving guys names in my phone with their first name (since I sometimes don’t know their last name) and some fact about them. This helps me keep them straight if I’m talking to more than one person, which let’s be honest, isn’t usually a problem. When I first started doing this I met several guys whose name and job started with the same letter (Carl the Coach, Adam the Audiologist) so I’ve just kept the alliteration trend going!
Russ the realtor is a guy I went out with almost 3 years ago. You guessed it he was a realtor; he was super busy with work but he was a Christian with a great family and an excellent work ethic. He also made me laugh and had an awesome smile.
We had talked for a while and had a ton in common. The first time we met went well. The conversation flowed easily over coffee and we agreed to meet up again later that week. Our second “date” also seemed to go well. We walked around an outdoor shopping mall for several hours and just chatted and got to know each other. The conversation was so good that we lost track of time and Russ was almost late for a work dinner he had that night. I remember leaving that date feeling extremely optimistic. He said he wanted to hang out again and I told him I did too. We texted every day after that, but then I didn’t hear from him for a couple days. I thought maybe he was busy with work so I sent him a text and was met with an automatic business reply instructing me how to get a hold of him if I needed information about an open house or wanted to look at a property.
Not going to lie, that was a little off-putting. Like really? You don’t even have time to reply to me? So take note, if you have business related automatic texts being sent from your phone, make sure you don’t send them to people you are dating, talking to or hoping to get to know. It just makes you seem like you’re too busy to even look at your own messages and probably too busy for a relationship.
Anyway, after a few more texts without reply I took a hint and assumed he just wasn’t that into me. But then it started… the orbiting.
So, I heard the term orbiting on a morning radio show. Its random moments like this that make me really feel old. I used to think I was cool and knew what the ‘kids’ were up to. Now I find myself in a strange new world where I have to depend on the DJ’s on morning radio to keep me up to date and teach me the new lingo.
In case you're old, or umm, ‘more mature’, like me, orbiting is the new term for a guy that ghosted you, but still texts you at odd times, comments on your social media and just generally pops back into your life from time to time. If this definition is incorrect don’t blame me! Blame Dave and Jimmy on WNCI, that’s where I heard it first!
Any of you young’ins out there thinking, “Oh, that will never be me, I’ll always stay current and know what’s happening in the world,” let me tell you it sneaks up on you! One day you’re doing fine, keeping up with the trends, the next day you need to download the Urban Dictionary app just to be able to decode your Tinder messages (in the case of Tinder let me tell you ignorance is bliss! If you have to look it up you probably don’t want to know what it means). But seriously, Urban Dictionary will save you from sounding like a super old person who has to ask “what does ghosted even mean?”
Back to Russ. After ignoring me and not asking me out again he began orbiting. He would text me about every 3 months just to say hey, literally just “hey”. Because I’m a hopeless romantic thinking that there might have been a plausible answer for him not getting back to me sooner, I would text back.
Maybe he was really a spy who had been suddenly called away on a mission or he had been kidnapped and held hostage in one of his rental properties or he was stranded on a desert island; probably not, but it would be a shame to lose contact with a good guy if he had a good reason for not calling. Seriously, if I could reach out, grab my younger self by the shoulders and scream “Take a hint - He’s Just Not That Into You” in younger me’s face, I totally would!
I would always send him these long reply messages telling I was doing well and asking what he was up to and then never hear another thing from him. The texting continued like this for while, then he expanded into other areas. After having no contact with him for a year, he wanted to be my Facebook friend. He also now follows me on Instagram. So maybe I’m just an idiot for accepting all of his requests, but he seemed like a good guy, and I still had hope. I now know that this is called ‘bread crumbing’- basically when a guy gives you just enough attention to keep the hope of a relationship alive. See how hip I am! I’m down with the lingo that the kids use!
Just a little dating tip for you all: if he has your number and still chooses not to call or text it’s because He’s Just Not That Into You. If he’s contacting you on Snap Chat, Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn (yes, I’ve actually had that happen), rather than texting or calling, He’s Just Not That Into You.
I know what you’re thinking, “But, what if he lost my number?”, “What if I ignore him and miss out?” If he liked you that much and just lost your number, he would’ve found you on social media and asked for your number. If he was the right guy for you, he wouldn’t be satisfied just watching your life on social media and interacting occasionally, he’d want to spend time with you! Because, let’s face it you’re awesome!
Staying involved with uncommitted guys, makes us less available when the right guy comes along.
You're not totally ready to invest in a new relationship if you're still wondering what might happen with that guy you've been 'kind of talking to'. As difficult as it is, don't let people who are not committed to being in your life drain your time, energy and emotions.
I know this is a tough truth, and that we all get sucked into the mindset that it’s better to be in these weird ‘pseudo relationships’ than be totally alone, but it’s just not. Don’t be fooled by the orbiters or the bread crumbers! They are wasting your time!